That Lapaz chick

It was Friday, chilling with my friends as usual, we went to a club to have some drinks and have fun. Unlike me, I usually don’t get drunk, but that day, I lost control of myself and had lots of drinks, got tipsy and eventually got intoxicated. Being drunk was funny as F! Everything was so blurry, I walked and talked funny. How I got home, only meek mill could answer that “Lord knows”.

Woke up the following day, brushed my teeth, dressed up for school, that was when I realized my cell phone wasn’t on me. I searched my room, but nothing! Honestly that was my last phone, and I was damn broke to even buy a new one. I told my brother I had lost my phone, so he gave me a ‘yam’ to use for the mean time.

So I got to school and told the friends I went to the club with, just incase they had seen my phone, but they all said no, I was devastated charle! I’ve lost all my chats and contacts and I foolishly didn’t backup anywhere. I  wasn’t myself the entire day, not having my phone on me was another thing but not getting any texts from my friends was HELL.


I got home, did my routine stuffs, but deep inside I knew something was missing. That day I went to bed rather early, cos I had nothing else doing. Usually I sleep very late, texting and chatting with friends. oh gosh I missed Twitter and it’s only been one day. I tried sleeping but I couldn’t. so I texted #oomf, asked him to drop me 10 random numbers of his female friends, I wanted people to text with, but he only dropped 5, he said he’ll drop the rest later, but I knew he wouldn’t, but anyway I now had 5 numbers.

Simultaneously I texted all of them, “Hi sup”, 4 replied but one didn’t, as if  they all  think alike, they all replied the same thing, “who this?”, I wanted to reply, “your father this”, but I erased it and replied, “Cledre, from Madina”, one replied, “ok”, the other two replied, “pls I don’t know you bye”, oh yawa.

“what’s ur name, where u at?”, to the one who replied “ok”, minutes later she replied, “Gifty, Lapaz”, then I said, “oh nice, how’s ur night going?”, she replied, “where did you get my number from?”, and I was like, “oh you no dey kai me? you gave me your number on Facebook last week, I be Cledre”, then she was like, “ok then why did you ask me my name and where I stay?”, I had to think fast, so I went like, “I just wanted to know for sure that it was really you I was texting, that’s why I asked”, then she replied, “K”.

We had a nice friendly chat that night. The following night the conversation continued. I became fond of her, I was eager to text her each night. Until one night, I asked her if I could call her, we’ve been texting for like 2 weeks now, and I haven’t heard her voice, so I wanted to call her and see if she was a real human being and not one of those useless scammers. She said, “yeah but call at 12:00am”, I replied “ok”

The time was 9:37pm, waiting for 12 midnight felt like being in a long queue just to buy gari and beans. But I had the patience, before I knew it was already 12 midnight. So I called her, she picked up! Oh my God!!! she sounded like an angel herrrhhh, very angelic! I started thinking about her, she had the personality, a lovely voice, all left was to meet her, and get a closer look at her. I really wanted to check her up on Facebook, but since I lied about meeting on Facebook, if I asked her Facebook ID she’d know I was lying , and I wasn’t ready to take that chance.

So I started bugging her about wanting to meet her in person, at first she refused. But I was very persistent. She eventually gave in. A date was set, I was really excited. I picked a taxi from Rawling’s circle to Atomic junction and later joined a troski going to Lapaz. I know Lapaz but I no sh3da know that place, so I was extra excited that day. I alighted at the Lapaz troski station, called her, told her where I was, she told me she was coming, so I should describe what I was wearing, and to wait for her under the traffic light.

It’s been 20 minutes and still no sign of her, I called again but she didn’t pick up. I had this funny feeling this girl had stood me up. Like the way e go pain me eehh, I mean the way I shada, I comb my hair sef, the perfume I spray for my body alone eehh, I was looking dope fresh! I ironed my shirt and polished my shoe sef. And I wasn’t  ready to go home till I’ve met her.

Moments later she called me, she said she had seen me under the traffic light so I should cross the road to the other side. I did exactly that. She asked me to come to where one lady was selling watermelon, she’s there waiting for me. So I crossed over and walked towards the melon seller, then I saw two girls standing around the melon seller, I knew it wasn’t her, cos she didn’t say she was coming with someone, so I went over and stood over there. I was about to call her on phone when one of the girls said, “hey boo?”


This was the expression on my face when I saw herIMG_20150824_105408

I was like “are you Gifty?” Honestly I wanted to run away.

oh charle, some girl bi like that ooh, she looks very funny, her hair was bushy, basaaa bi ooh, the edges of her hair was dirty brown, looked like she hadn’t bathed the whole day, and I assumed she was still wearing the clothes from yesterday, cos it looked dirty, she was even wearing some ugly dirty flip flops with her dirty ankles charle. The girl was looking like a natural disaster. IMG_20151030_120300

She introduced me to her friend.

She invited me to her house, I didn’t want to go, but out of respect, I followed her. She led me to a provision shop and offered me a seat. Then one lady came out of the house, Gifty introduced her to me as her elder sister, herrrrrrrrrhhhhhhh that woman was the exact opposite of Gifty, the girl fine!!!! I couldn’t stop staring glances at her. She was looking like


Gifty asked me if I’d like to take water, a drink or anything, but I humbly declined. Guess what she told me, she said, “oh so you come my house wey I dey offer you something but you dey flex me eeh?”, I was shocked!!!


I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I asked to take my leave, she said, “right now norr you come, you dey go?”, then I told her, I had to do something at home, so I had to leave now, I’d come back some other time. I told her sister I was leaving. Then she escorted me to the station to pick a car back to Madina. I was full of regret. She wasn’t the angel I imagined. I’m not saying she’s ugly ooh, all I am saying is that, if she was the only single girl in the world, I’d rather die than to date or marry her, apuuuuuuuutorrrrrr!

I met a friend on my way home, he asked me where I was coming from, I was even shy to brag that I went to meet a girl so I told him I went to study at the library.

‘charle mmaa p3 de boys b3k) akyi’



story by: @AbokiCleDre (follow me on twitter)

Copyright © 2016 by @AbokiCleDre on twitter

All rights reserved. No Copy and Paste. Unlawful copy of this piece is prohibited. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at the address below.


twitter: @AbokiCleDre

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