Is there anything else I should get you before I get back to bed? If there is please make it quick I really want to be an early bird tonight. I don’t want you waking me up in the middle of the night again like you always do, asking me to go find you a bowl of noodles or something, the streets are dangerous, so woman please let me know right now if you need anything else, ‘cos if I hit under those sheets I ain’t waking up.

She had that smirk on her face, she stretched her hand pointing to my pillow, I picked it up and placed it behind her back so that she could sit comfortably, she adjusted it and went on ahead eating her hot noodles. I decided to watch TV for a while and hoped I’d dosed off in the process.

It was half past 11:00pm when Mary, my wife started punching me on my back and ribs, yelling at me to wake up. I woke up abruptly not knowing the hell she did that for, but I soon realized it, she was in pain and discomfort, she kept on yelling, “my water broke”, “the baby is coming”, “hospital, hurry up, quick please”, her side of the bed was soaked wet and she was contracting and sweating like she had quadruplets in her stomach, she looked very uneasy and in pain, trying to sit straight on the bed or it seemed like she was trying to get out from it.

So I asked her, how are you feeling, she responded, “not good, the baby is coming”, so I quickly got dressed since I was sleeping naked, I honestly didn’t bother looking for anything specific to wear, I just jumped into the nearest clothes I saw. It took me a while to find my cars keys, this was because I was panicking, because I had high hopes for the baby that was coming, I saw my keys after a while.

I rushed out from the house to start the engine, but before that I opened the main gates to the house, it was so quiet and the only sound you could hear was the crickets. I came back, placed the car keys in the ignition, turned it to the right and all I could hear was, “ta we we weee we, ta we we we wee”, unbelievable, my car won’t start, I checked my fuel gauge, my petrol tank was empty.

I went back to the bedroom, and my wife was on the floor moaning painfully, it was an awful sight. Imagine seeing someone you really love in so much pain, and wishing you could just take away their pain or at least share the pain with them that instant. My wife was yelling ‘hospital’, but I didn’t know how to tell her the car won’t start because I used the remaining fuel in the car to go and buy her noodles in the middle of the night, and didn’t realize it was empty until now, so I just told her, “Babe, please hold, lemme pack a few things and we’ll be on our way right now, okay, just hold a while longer please babe, for the mean time just practice breathing in and out okay, you’ll be fine I promise”, then I sped outside.

The craziest most desperate thing just occurred to me, I rushed to my next-door neighbor’s house and started banging their main gate very loud. Screaming my neighbor’s name and yelling for help. I kept banging for like 5 minutes but there was no response, so I did the unthinkable, I looked left, then right, then left before climbing their wall like a thief.

I run to the back of their house, to the window of their bedroom, then started whispering, “Mark! Mark! Mark! please open up it’s me, I need he…”, I was about to say help, when out of nowhere this crazy dog pounced on me barking like hell, so I had to make a run for it and lose it.

The dog chased me for like 2 minutes then it got tired. I run back to the window and said, “Mark it’s me, CleDre, my wife is in labour I need your help”, “Mark please, Mark! Mark!”, there was no answer, I almost broke down in tears, there was nothing I could do at that moment. I almost gave up.

I was about to leave when I heard whispering in the room like, “hey! don’t go, it might be thieves, stay here, don’t go”, then another voice replied, “What if it’s really CleDre?”, then the other voice was like, “It’s a trap, they’ll kill you if you go outside, stay here in bed with me, I’m warning you”, the other voice said, “okay, dial the police number, I’m going outside, if they are armed robbers I’ll scream and you’ll quickly lock the doors and make the call okay”

Frustrated I said, “C’mon guys I need help, it’s me CleDre, I’m not thief, my wife is in labour she’ll give birth any minute from now, I just need to borrow your car and take her to the hospital, my car won’t start, I need help”, then a female voice said, “Dre, is that you?”, and I answered, “Yes Doreen it’s me, now will you guys help me or not?”, then she asked, “Are you alone? How sure are we that armed robbers are not holding a gun to your head right now, and asking you to trick us?”, almost pissed off I said, “ooooh hooooo!, why would I do that? Mark will you help me or not? I’m desperate”, there was no answer.

then I heard doors opening, then I saw Mark in a brown robe holding a machete and a torchlight in his hand heading towards me, then I shouted, “what the hell is all this? what’s the meaning of this?”, then Mark turned off the light and dropped the knife and said, “we had to be sure it was really you, I’m sorry, ɛwia se ayɛ hu wai, how’s your wife doing?”, and I yelled, “Man how can you think I’d work with robbers and come and ruin you like this? C’mon man”

With a straight face I asked him, “Know what? Are you gonna help me or not? ‘cos I’ve wasted enough time over here, I’m sure Mary has already given birth on the floor already”, then Mark said, “aww sorry bro, of course I will help you, what can I do for you brother?”, “Nigga for real? You haven’t heard a single word that came outta my mouth huh? I said, I need to borrow your car, mine won’t start because I’m out of gas on a craving quest for my pregnant wife, I need to hurry too”

He went back to the house and came back with the keys to one of his cars, then he said, “Don’t scratch it”, I looked at him dead in the eyes and said, “My wife is in labour I came to you for help and all you care about is me scratching your car? Are you kidding me?”, he smiled and said it was only a joke but I ignored it. Before leaving his house I asked him if he minds keeping an eye on my kids for me, ‘cos I’d probably be back in the morning, I wouldn’t mind if he or his wife slept in my house until I come back home in the morning, I want someone to be the house when the kids wake up.

I rushed back to my house, grabbed Mary’s maternity bag, helped her get in the car and drove like a maniac to the hospital. On our way there, she asked me why I kept long and why I was driving the neighbor’s car, but I ignore all these silly questions, answering those questions were the least of my problems. The pain was getting worse, with each turn and twist came with loud scream and all I could do or say was, “Hold on baby, we almost there, just a few more seconds”, her contractions was like 3 minutes apart, but I told her to keep calm and control her breathing, inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale, it had little effect but I did all I could.

Moments later we were at the nearest hospital, I rushed to the OPD screaming “My wife is in labour”, a nurse asked me where she was, and I pointed outside, she then followed me outside with a wheelchair, I got Mary in the wheelchair and the nurse wheeled her away


the nurse told me to bring her things, for a second I didn’t know what her things were until I remembered I brought along a maternity bag, so I went back for it.

I raced back inside the hospital only to find my wife still in the wheelchair, moaning in pain sitting outside the labour ward, I got furious and yelled at the nearest nurse next to me, “What’s the meaning of this? Why isn’t she in the delivery room yet? Christ sake she’s in pain, the baby is coming, do something! Or it’s a cash and carry system here? Do you want me to pay money first before you attend to her?”

In that heated moment a nurse came out from then ward and I asked her what was going on, she said, “The delivery room is currently occupied, we have a delivery in secession, soon as she’s done your wife is next, so please have some patient”, I couldn’t believe my ears so I said, “okay but can you please give her some pain killers? She’s in pain and I can’t bear to see her in pain like this”, the nurse smiled softly and said, “That won’t be necessary, we’ll soon be done and your wife will be next, but in the mean time you can do some payments and fill out some forms, just for the mean time”, and I obliged.

30 minutes later my wife was still in the wheelchair waiting behind the delivery room, she was tired, breathless and almost out of consciousness, but I held her hand and told her not to worry everything was gonna be just fine.

The nurses finally came in with a bed for my wife Labour but she refused to go if I didn’t come along with her in the delivery room, after a brief argument with my wife and the nurses I was allowed into the delivery room, I was given something that looked like a shower cap and a long gown like apron thingy to wear. My wife was already pushing when I got in.

She was sweating, pushing very hard, I walked over to her side and held her hand, the nurses kept saying, “Push”, as if she wasn’t pushing. Mary was pushing, I could feel her efforts in my capillaries and arteries but these crazy old nurses just kept mouthing one word, “push”, I held her hand and kissed it, I whispered to her, “you’ll be fine sweetie, just a few more pushes, you’re doing great hunny”

“Crowning, I see the baby now, keep pushing, just a little more”, said the nurse.

“grrrrrr aahhhh, mmmmm grrr ahhh”

“You’re doing great baby, daddy is right here with you, it’ll soon be over baby”, I tried sounding optimistic.

“grrr aahhh ahhh ahhh mmmmmmmmmmm ah ahh ahhh”

“C’mon Mary, push! Push! Just a little more”, the nurse was getting loud.

“mmmmmmmmm! grrrrrrrr ahhhh”

“Push!”, she said.

“grrrrrr ah, I cant, I’m too tired, I can’t, mabrɛ, me ntumi mpia biom, m’ase yɛ me ya! mabrɛ. Adɛn mo pɛ sɛ mo kum me ong?”

“Dre, kum me ooh kum me, me mma wo ndi me biom! Sɛ wo dwen sɛ ɛyɛ easy? sɛ me wu a na me kᴐ! Me nwo biom!”

“Sɛ me ma wo di me biom a frɛ me fish”

Mary was crying


I kissed her hand one more time and said, “Babe, you almost there, 2 more minutes of pushing, just 2 more minutes baby”

“grrrrr aaaaahhhhhhh grrrrr aaahh”

“Almost here Mary, you’re doing great, continue pushing”, the nurse wasn’t giving up.

“grrrrrrrrrrrrrr mmmmm!”, Mary sighed.

“Here we go, on my mark, 1..2…3 pusshhh!”

“grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”


“You did it babe, you did it!”, I was so excited, I kissed her on the forehead and said, “Well done babe, congratulations, you did it, it’s over now, It’s over babe”

The baby started crying, “eeair eeair eair eair eair eair”, then the nurse said, “Congratulations it’s a girl”. That instant my face changed colour, and I asked the nurse, “you mean a boy right?”, the nurse answered, “No, it’s a beautiful healthy bouncy baby girl, congratulations”

I removed the shower cap thingy from my head and threw the gown thingy at the nurse before storming out from the delivery room. When the nurse came after me, I was sobbing, my nose and eyes were teary, the nurse came over and asked me what was wrong, I didn’t want to tell her at first but she was very persuasive so I opened up to her, “I thought I was getting a boy, that was all I prayed for, I had faith”, with a confused look, the nurse asked me, “what’s wrong with a girl?”, I looked at her and said, “I already have 3 daughters, I needed a boy this time round”

The nurse wanted to laugh but held back a bit, but you could see that laughing look on her face, she placed her hand on my should and said, “Do you see that old man sitting on the floor crying like a baby?”, she was pointing to the husband of the woman who was in the delivery room before my wife, I replied, “yes”, the she continued, “He has 7 children, they’re all boys, tonight he just had his 8th son, with his second wife, just imagine that, two wives, just like you, he only wanted a daughter but ended up with another son, if I were you I’d cheer up, ‘cos your problem is a small distin”

I wiped my running nose with my elbow, stopped sobbing and wiped away all my tears, I thought I had problem, but looking at a grown ass man crying on the hospital floor for having his 8th son seemed like a bigger problem than mine. so I walked over to the recovery ward, my wife was in one of the beds resting, I went over kissed her cheeks and asked her what food you’d like to have for breakfast.


​story written by: @AbokiCleDre (follow me on twitter)

Copyright © 2017 by @AbokiCleDre

All rights reserved. No Copy and Paste. Unlawful copy of this piece is prohibited. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at the address below.


twitter: @AbokiCleDre

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2 thoughts on “Labour

  1. Chale the women de suffer ooo…that phrase ” s3 me ma di me biom a fr3 me fish” got me!!!…hahahaha hahahaha…. Eei..kudos to all modas..

    Liked by 1 person

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